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November 28 a muse between the emo kid and the servant ((love oslen twins!) * emo kid: why is life so gay? servant: because it's a system. emo kid: what kind of system? servant: the kind where there is the rich, the poor, the fortunate, the unfortunate, the kind and the beggar. emo kid: i just want to go to that corner and cry now, i have no one, and when i do i still find myself mourning over my own ridiculous miseries... servant: well you have it easy, while you brood by your life and still managing to live, others have to go about different ways to earn a living. emo kid: sure i "have it easier", but that doesn't make you any more superior to me. :S
now i feel bad for asking for an slr... it costs heaps no jokes... maybe i shouldn't get one... i'll say that it will count for a christmas present/birthday present, but i always say that and then ask for more, what if i stick to my word this time?... November 24 something priceless So tomorrow's speech night, and what a way to finish off the year (excluding carols). I haven't gotten an award since year 9? It's nice to get something at year 12 to mark the end of my highschool life, for that I am greatful. I'm also greatful to have been given the opportunity to sing tomorrow night, a last formal event performing Les Miserable (musical) - On my Own. I hope I don't screw up the words or I'll ruin it for myself and everybody else >________>. Hm. I'm also performing for the last time at the school carols by candlle light, singing Silent Night (again, it's harder this year and I don't know how I reached the high notes last year .. and this year I took singing lessons wth?) So owned. And playing in orchestra as per usual. To be honest, I was excited but now I'm over it. Been going back and forth to school for rehearsals and shit, really tired me .. It's also kind of off putting for the seniors who claimed they'll be back to practice and be a part of the festive community .. to see them bail out on (understandably) more important things.. O well, you can't expect too much from people right? That's if you could call it "too much"... November 22 breatherSo i asked dad if i could work regularly at the shop, he was definately happy. Problem is he can't just fire his workers. Coincedentally, one of the workers the next day called to say she found another job and didn't want to work anymore. Is that fate or what? haha, so i'll be working every weekend for my pocket money :) I have just paid off my two new swim suits (approx 100 something together for both - it was on sale!), and now i am to pay off some wedges i got from work! It's nice to earn these material things. Q: Most people at my age, earn their own pocket money to buy clothes/etc right? Which means it does not include the money they need to spend on food everytime they go out right? Parents give them the extra dough for food right? I mean it's quite difficult to earn enough for both food and material objects in the one day - you either eat or not eat at all. It would be pretty vain to say they don't use their parent's money at all..... just curious - i just don't want to feel guilty everytime i spend money on something i don't earn, i don't want to feel useless esspecially around people who do own their own money and rightly spends it on anything they like. ps: getting better at applying make up on!! :D + dad said he'll buy me an slr for christmas? he's been very reluctant so i dno... fingers crossed.   * i wish i could get those black heels...if only they weren't so high and impossible to walk in :( * the wedges i got are comfortable and Nude colour, which is what ive been wanting in a shoe that isn't so deathly high. fuqn heels these days.  November 20 pressures on, a whole new spectrum I'm really feeling the pressure to learn to drive now. I have to get to places by myself, I don't like burdening others, or more specifically, I need to please others. I don't want to bother mum anymore, I need to be able to drive to Kenny whenever he wants me to, can't keep asking mum. Life sucks of too many obligations and destinations - one that could only be travelled independantly, and unreliant on others. That's life fuqers, welcome to the real world. November 19 clenching fists, care free only but the surfaceSupposedly,  People don't change, and neither will I. You would think that after school, exams, vce; my mind would be free from any suffocation, nets, torture. But with everything comes a price, also suggested in the photo above, with clenching fists that spell "Care Free" Academic burden is only one of the few things left behind. But the burden of the mind, and its myriad capabilities to taunt you is a wonderous thing. I have been yearning to be completely let loose, to have fun in ways I would have never been able to back in highschool. I wanted to actually drink, go out late nights, party without a care in the world. But I do care. While worrying about worrying mum is only a small contributer, I still cannot help but feel completely out of place, or simply too tired and without the energy to sustain myself at that time of night. I'm not nocturnal like the many teenagers in our generation. So to put it in a nutshell - I don't know how to have fun. Whatever "fun" defines itself as these days. I can easily enough admit that I really do go by the stereotypical definition of fun. Fun is not layed back, being at home with a loved one (although I'm not saying it's not as equally nice) - fun requires a group of friends, not chilling, but being wild. And I know well enough that "fun" is define differently by different people, and that each definition is just as good as eachother. But again, I cannot help but be swept away by a society that sets standards and expectations that are simply inevitable, or difficult to ignore. But in the end, I realised that I cannot be the person I wanted to be. I can't force myself to do things that are deemed "fun" or feel a slight contempt towards. I can't change into something I'm not. keeping time busy beesBACKWARDS today: - WENT TO SEE JERSEY BOYS (musical) WITH GABY, MARIANNE AND TRAN! IT WAS TRES GOOD - then went back to ken's place to eat dinner, bum, and put in tam's extentions! yesterday: - went to school for orchestra practice (for carols by candle light!), and for my voice lesson ready for speech night and carols! - went to work for just a tiny bit - went home and cleaned up my books (yet to clean my room) day before yesterday: - ken's, city with the guys went to crown to eat at the new restaurant thingy..forgot what it was called but it was really nice! and we watched 2012 , that was really good too! FOREWARDS tomorrow: - emey's birthday, road tripping to mornington/rye? beach for bbq friday: - cover's with alexa at mine? saturday+sunday: - working November 16 "the dice don't do rules; the dice do life"Haven't been to the city for ageeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssssssssssssss, nothing much has changed really. Had gloria jeans, so satisfying, haven't had that in agessssssssss too. Hayfever was a killer on public trasport though (n). It was a nice day :) Even though we didn't do much ~ What's there to do at the city these days anyhow. Bought a few things from Art Box, and bought a book "the dice man" - Luke Rhinehart, hopefully it's good.   November 14 Space Without PurpleThese are the canvases I promised I would paint for Tammy :) been putting it off for ages cos of exams, I hope she likes it, it's to complement her army green wall~ (inspired by the background of this blog) ps. I was consciously making sure i made the curve, a positive graph (positive sine graph in this case) hehehhe LOL D:, of course to evoke happiness! My first attempt of abstract painting!! This girl (Mary) was really good at it in my art class! She inspired me too!    kickin' in n lay'n backWorked today~    (thongs - to get or not to get, hm and ye i know my toes are retarded) * looook what i got  First maxi casual dress <3 im so in love with it! It was only 40!!! November 13 BECAUSE I CANNNNNLet me revisit the things I wanted to do, I want to keep busy, keep being creative, cos it's healthy and rewarding :) - catch up on all movies: Inglorious Bastards, Funny People, 500 Days of Summer, Fame, Ugly Truth, Couples' Retreat - movies to watch: Alice in Wonderland (Tim Burton) , An Education BECAUSE I CAN* personal driver - kenny * 18 - legal (dw i'm not that kinda person - just thought i could add it to the list lol!) * free from any kind of "work, homework, study, sacs, tests, exams" * NOTHING PLAGUES MY MIND. It is yet to kick in! When I went over to Ken's to chill after my last exam (art), I kept getting the feeling (like I usually do) that I should be home doing something more constructive like homework. None of that! And - I don't have to be worried about annoying mum, by getting her to pick me up from places! Which is nice :) Kenny made us dinner, made us a nice grape blend drink, made CHOCOLATE MOUSSE too! All because it was my last day of exams.. hehehhehehe so sweet :) There will be more interesting and nicer photos...whenever .. or if ever i get an SLR D: christmas??? First purchase for this 3/4 month holiday - shop till you drop mag (Dec)! - lol, trust, a magazine. (from a while ago - first time he drove me in his car alone!)   (today)   kenny wanted me to make scones, so i did :) November 12 le 45HAPPY 45 MOONS BABY! sry i don't finish exams today! otherwise we coulda gone outttt, but i guess we'll be together nearly everday from tomorrow! hehe :) 
November 10 le cantoneseyyyy artist chineseeeyyyyi love this chick! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3A1a0BgJyI&feature=player_embedded# i have decided to just flunk chemistry, and focus on art (fuq so much to remember for it :'( ) Being anal for noooo fuqing reasoni stereotype a lot, but for good reason. My stereotypes are largely based on observations, and frankly I don't care about voicing it out - cos it's true. Be denial all you want, (despite the generalisations). Since when were generalisations such a crime anyways, we live in a world that's just full of it. Their notions and ideas about what is "kool" really pee me up the wall, cos it's simply pointless, fake, and infinitely annoying. As you could probably tell, i am currently pmsing - yes during my exams, and this weather is making me drowsy and cannot study properly. I really would just rather be at the beach complaining about standing on hot sand or the fact that I'm probably cooking myself dinner burning under the sun. (ps i'm not a huge fan of the beach, it's okay, i just don't go all girly on it like most do.. and i mean that in the nicest way possible, it's just that my pmsing makes me talk like a bitch) November 04 what glitters is goldi once dreamt i wore a jacket like this, but it was in the style of a bomber jacket...
November 03 But answer made it none.Tonight's the night; time to appreciate everything you had even the slightest passion for, and show it through your writing. THE.car.zomg mineeeeeee mineeeeee mineeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee  mazda 6 (sedan) in white pearl - ideal carrrrrrr, even parents like it! I know :( I'm no where near getting my Ps, but after in a few years' time, i'll be sure to get something like this!!!! Or if im lucky, dad might trade in mum's car for this one! .. maybe maybe   (garh hate the white pixel thing, ignore that!) October 29 soon it'll be just you and me fuq i hate the feeling of nostaligia, i can't work in a nostalgic environment, it's like being stuck living in the past. Thus my conversion to studying at the library. Surprisingly it works, as long as your with the right people, coupled with strong dedication of course. Can't believe everything is drawing to an end. I'm scared and in a weird kind of way, I don't want my exams to end, because I have a funny feeling I'll finish in some form of dissapointment. So it's all nearly over, please please continue to work, don't whither yet. Just endure, that - much - longer. October 26 formspringfor any stalkers out there ..... (lol the americans are doing it, so i'm trying it out) http://www.formspring.com/forms/?734399-ziEVCZxcit eg) Veronica has submitted this form, asking: what the hell is this? I repost all the questions asked - can be annonymous if you don't want to be identified, on this blog. My answer the vee's quetion: It's basically a way for stalkers to ask you questions about your personal life or watever. Creepy stuff yeah? I agree, but some of the stuff they send are sometimes quite flattering - like "i like hte clothes you wear, where do u usually get your clothes from?" - suff like that. That's from this chick i stalk.......... name will remain disclosed. LOL. But yea, just incase i have stalkers who stalk my public blog, too afraid to ask questions/comment because.. well they don't know me. And I know it all sounds really cocky to even assume you have any stalkers - i just i like the idea of "formspring" sounds so american and hippy. LOLOLOL .. uh yeah . All for fun! October 25 Odd how men's fortunes flows Dear friend, I believe that you're one of those people who will come out and surprise everybody with your well-deserved success, while I'll be one of those people who will come out and surprise everybody with my unexpectedly under-achievement who you expected more from. That's just how it is dear friends, that's just how it is.
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